(LUSKIN) Our first house was an antique cape, and we moved in before renovations were complete, which is how we started eating dinner in bed. For about a month, our bedroom was the only place clean enough to eat, so we carried our dinner to bed and ate there.
Is it any wonder we had three children in quick succession? Exhaustion only begins to explain our chronic fatigue. Like most other young couples with kids, we still wanted to go out once in a while, to remember why we liked each other, to rediscover a little romance in our lives. But when we planned for such a night out, we either couldn’t find a reliable sitter or we were just plain too tired. That’s when we started dating in bed.
We’d have a romp with the kids, give them baths, read books, tell stories and sing them to sleep. With the three of them tucked in, we’d pull out a platter of cheese and pate, uncork a bottle of wine, put on our best pajamas and climb into bed.
One memorable New Year’s Eve, one of our kids woke up sick and vomited all over our silk PJs, so we changed into our everyday flannels, and she threw up on those, too. We were glad we were home for our baby that night, we just hadn’t anticipated so much laundry.
At first, it was just the two of us in bed, but when the babies came, they’d join me to nurse, and their dad for a burp. Once they could climb out of their cribs, they’d come to us in the morning; we’d make one great big pig pile and snuggle. Even now, in their late teens, one or the other of them will come in while we’re reading and flop down between us, just to talk.
I wish I could say we’ve followed that good advice, never to let the sun set on our anger, but my husband and I have gone to bed angry. It makes for poor sleep. But our marriage bed also makes it hard to stay angry as we burrow under the covers in our cold room. A grudge is hard to sustain in the comfort and reassurance of our mammal warmth. In the cover of dark, we always start talking, even if it’s only in a whisper at first. A good thing too. In our busy lives we hardly have enough time for sleep; we can’t afford to stay angry for long.
We bought our first mattress set over twenty years ago. We’re now on our third. At first, the box spring sat on the floor, then on a metal frame. Now we have a hand made cherry frame and one of those new, memory-foam beds. It’s a great place for love and repose. I don’t want chocolate and roses for Valentine’s Day. Just give me a set of clean flannel sheets ~ and early to bed.
Deborah Luskin teaches writing and literature to non-traditional students in hospitals, libraries and prisons throughout Vermont.