(Host) Commentator Nick Boke has been thinking a lot lately about the new anti-terrorist domestic surveillance initiatives, and he’s decided to profile himself.
(Boke) I was looking at my passport recently, and I realized I could save the Total Information Awareness guys a little work. You know, they’re the ones who’re keeping tabs on Americans to see if were up to anything nefarious. See, I’ve got a couple of suspicious visas in my passport. One for Egypt last year, and another one for Lebanon the year before. I figured these might set off some warning bells at the anti-terrorist computer than scans this stuff.
Combine the visas with the fact that I bought a copy of the Muslim Koran a couple of years ago to replace my abridged edition. And our daughter’s War Resisters League magazine still arrives at our house, even though she’s gone off to college. Will the data collectors view the Utne Reader as a marginally subversive publication?
I’ve signed a variety of petitions lately, and periodically spoken out publicly about a number of hot-button issues. So I’ll save the people who scan the data the computer collects some time by being real clear about some of my beliefs. Whoever’s taking notes about this stuff, get out your forms. I’ve made it very easy.
Bet you’ve got a question about how people feel about invading Iraq. That’s a simple one. I think invading Iraq without a clear mandate from the full UN Security Council and NATO would be a bad, dangerous idea. Mark the box that says, “firmly opposes.” In the space for comments, you can add something like, “Boke believes the administration has dug itself into a hole, and plans to invade just to keep from feeling stupid.”
I’m gonna guess you’ve got a question about how people see America’s general relationship with the rest of the world. Do you have a box for “deeply troubled?” Mark it. You won’t have enough space in the comment section for my thoughts on this. Maybe a note like, “Boke believes it’s in Americas long-term interest to collaborate with other nations, not only on Iraq, but on things like the Kyoto Global Warming treaty. He finds the administration’s support for those who overthrew the duly elected government of Venezuela a few months ago pretty alarming, especially in these days when we’re talking so much about democracy and nation-building.” I guess that’ll have to do for now.
Finally, you’ve probably got space for comments that don’t really fit under any of your categories. In that space, please write, “Boke does not believe that the United States is always right. He thinks that America’s status as the worlds only superpower has convinced it that anybody who disagrees with it is at best seriously mistaken, at worst, the enemy. This disturbs him greatly.”
So maybe that’ll help you guys who’re collecting this information. If I can be of any more help, let me know. I’m in the book. That’s Nick Boke, in Weathersfield, Vermont.